Historic tweets that preceded Donald Trump’s nighttime rants

By Lenore Skenazy

Donald Trump’s 3 am “Tweets that woke the world” wasn’t the first time a sleep-deprived celebrity shot his month off when he should have been counting sheep. Here’s a rundown of other tweeters in history who said too much:

Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 1:20 am

Crooked Cleopatra is an eating machine. Check out before and after hieroglyphics. #HungryHungryHippo

Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 3:40 am

Crooked Cleo says she’ll help the slaves. Who built your palace, lady?

Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 12:15 am

Cracked Cleopatra is a disaster. Her needle is 1,000 times too big to use. #BADJUDGEMENT!

Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 4:37 am

OpatraCare “choice” a total LIE. You don’t get to pick your healer. If you get bitten by an asp, you die. #Crazy!

Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 5:18 am

Crooked Cleo’s husband slept with his grape-peeling girl. He is the WORST abuser of women in ancient history!

Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 2:55 am

Bird, bird, eye, throne, owl!

Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 1:19 am

Crooked Cleopatra is 100% controlled by Rome. #BADLEADERSHIP

Tutankhamun @PyramidScheme · 12:56 am

An extremely credible source has signaled to my office that Crooked Cleo was born in Mesopotamia.

* * *

Freud Envy @i_love_mom · 12:20 am

Goofy Jung is the WORST psychoanalyst in Vienna. His patients are all getting crazier.

Freud Envy @i_love_mom ·3:42 am

Jung has got to be one of the dumbest interpreters of subconscious symbolism ever. Analyze this! : (

Freud Envy @i_love_mom · 1:25 am

Still haven’t seen that diploma from the University of Basel! #FRAUD

* * *

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 3:20 am

Madame Curie is a loose cannon in the lab. No one has WORSE JUDGMENT — except her poor husband.

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 4:50 am

Maybe Curie should spent a little less time with isotopes and a little more at the hairdresser.

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 3:18 am

Be careful, Kooky Curie! Your fans are more excited about relativity than radioactivity! #PlayingDice

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 5:18 am

Just another dud lady scientist. #SAD

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am

Kooky Curie is very weak on quantum theory, which is what the people want. Her career is dead.

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am

Kooky Curie hasn’t created a single bomb in her whole life. Unless you count her hairstyle.

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am

She does not have the RIGHT TEMPERAMENT to revolutionize science.

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am

Curie a failed scientist. That glow is her burning out.

MC Squared @PatentClerk · 2:20 am

Have it on good authority Curie was adopted!

* * *

Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am

Michaelangelo is a joke. He’s in the pocket of the Medicis.

Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am


Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am

Mediocre Mikey has to make his sculptures big and naked to get attention. #PATHETIC

Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am

I’ve seen paint-by-numbers better than Mikey’s latest Moses. He should go home and relax.

Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am

If you’ve got a block of marble, keep it away from Mediocre Mikey or he’ll chisel it into a lawn ornament. #LAWNGNOMEART

Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am

Interesting how my commissions go up whenever Mikey unveils another painting.

Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am

LIES! I never tried to get the Sistine job! #SimplicityBestSophistication

Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am

I wouldn’t hire MM to paint my garage.

Vini Vidi da Vinci @RenaissanceMan · 2:20 am

Pretty sure Mikey was never baptized! #OriginalSin

Lenore Skenazy is a keynote speaker, author of the book and blog Free-Range Kids, and a contributor at Reason.com.

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