By Barbara Morris
Many years ago, I spoke to the mother of three cute little boys who were neighbors, asking her if she knew they used that term commonly in their street conversations. She answered quickly, “Of course.” I told her I had spoken to them and had asked them to stop using it because it is offensive, but my admonitions had apparently fallen on deaf ears. She laughed and said, “The trouble with you is, you just don't understand. That is how they talk to each other as friends .” She was right – I have never understood how friends can say something derogatory to each other as a term of admiration or affection. Our language is reflective of our attitudes and unfortunately almost every letter of the alphabet is now identified in print enclosed in quote marks. All too often we see the “B” word, the “F” word, the “R” word, and know very well what words those letters identify. They are not generally “nice” words, and they are used to be offensive or shocking to someone. Others like myself may risk trying to correct such speech heard in the public domain but in doing so the response may not be, “Thank you so much, for reminding me.”In other words, be prepared for an unwanted answer or try to ignore the offensive speech. Like so many others in our communities, I keep hoping someone will find the key to making those few people who deliberately disrespect our laws or rules of civility, make better choices. Changing habits become more difficult with age, but changes can he made nevertheless. Most people have some good qualities that can be found if we look for them. If, after prudent search, we still find none, walk away.If, however, someone pleases us, don't stint on praise. Remember receiving different colored stars for good grades or behavior in grade school? Doing something well, whether a child, or adult, deserves respect and the “praise” of a smile, a word, or that star. When I see a parent holding the hand of a child or holding that child on his or her lap in a public conveyance, I am encouraged. When I see adults (young or older) holding hands or speaking softly and respectfully as ladies and gentleman together, I know there is hope. When I see someone dispose of something properly in a waste basket, whether in the street, the post office, or any other public place, if I am near, I say 'thank you.” We should all appreciate the good manners that will improve the reputation of the community we call home, and which will also be reflective of our part of our nation. Let's not forget to thank those who have served or are presently serving us in some way. It is always disappointing to me when someone does a dangerous job and is successful, only to hear someone on the sidelines belittle the event by saying, “People like that get paid and they know what they are getting into when they sign up.”The difference is the person who willingly faces danger to help someone else does so, while his critic does not. The critic feels that by withholding praise and making excuses that “he got paid and knew what he was getting into” is in fact, jealous.When southeast Queens was being settled, it didn't have all the structural benefits it has now. For a while, some of the sidewalks were wooden. There was no library and there was no medical center.When the snow was deep, homeowners went out together and shovelled not only the sidewalks, but the streets. Those of us who live here now have things much easier, but back then no one threw refuse in the streets or on the sidewalks. Are we not willing to compete with those “old-timers” who somehow managed to accomplish more much less? I think it is certainly worth trying. The year is still young. We still have a chance to work on our resolutions or make them more. I have already accomplished one of mine. I went for a good medical check-up at the Laurelton Medical Center and discovered that my health worries had been for naught. It is a good feeling; I wish you the same. In the meantime, I do hope everyone will not only join the self-improvement team, but the Improve Our Communities Team. Let's make our place the best it can be.
