By Stanley P. Gershbein
I am getting tired of having to listen to “Your call is important to us. Please hang on for the next available representative.” If my calls were really important to them, they would hire more representatives. I’m also tired of having to listen to eight or nine options before being connected to the correct desk. Some of us more mature people have some short-term memory problems. By the time the recorded message gets to option six I’ve forgotten options one thru five. And I am really getting tired, annoyed and exasperated having to press one for English. ….and I’m not the only one. In a recent letter to my talented colleague, Joanna DelBuono who writes the wonderfully informative and entertaining Not For Nuthin’ column, the writer expressed her displeasure at no longer hearing English spoken in her community. I think that reader might want to know that Rudy Giuliani has said that he is willing to consider allowing legal status for those who learn English. I haven’t read or heard that from any other candidate on either side. Besides this there are the wonderful changes he made in this town during his tenure and, of course, the leadership qualities that he displayed during the trying time following 9/11. Right now at least a dozen of you are ready to write and spew the Democrat talking points. You want to tell me that any elected official would have done the same. Don’t bother. You’re wrong. While many elected officials would have exhibited the same leadership as Rudy there are many who would not. Picture Mayor Ray Nagin in the same situation. When I think of him instantly a photo of hundreds of busses under water pops into my head. He was, and probably still is, a very nice guy. My Uncle Phil was also a nice guy. My Uncle Phil should never be a city mayor. Neither should Ray Nagin. How about Governor Kathleen Blanco and the tragedy of Katrina? President Bush personally offered assistance. There were several negative responses. English translation: “God forbid, I, a Democrat, should ever accept assistance from a Republican.” Did I call her a Democrat? I take that back. Governor Blanco is a Dummocrat who thought of her reputation before thinking of her constituents. OK. You want to bring that closer to home, don’t you? Let’s talk about Mayor David Do-Nothing. He wasn’t nicknamed that for nothing. He will forever be known as the mayor who fiddled while Rome burned. Only it wasn’t Rome. It was right here in Brooklyn on Eastern Parkway. Does anybody really believe Dinkins could be a leader? Some of you do not like Rudy because of his morals. Me neither and I know that we’re not supposed to excuse bad behavior by pointing to other bad behavior but in this instance I must respond with three words – Roosevelt, Kennedy and Clinton. ******** So Rosie was named as the most annoying celebrity of the year. Why am I not surprised? ******** French Chef, Christian Falco, is now in the Guinness Book Of World Records for his mega-barbecue in Morocco. He slowly roasted a 1,213 pound camel over three tons of wood. Five hundred Moroccans were invited to feast on the intact dromedary. My roommate and I have traveled over a great deal of this planet and devoured much of the local fare. Several years ago, while in Nairobi, part of my dinner at the very popular Carnivore Restaurant was a medium rare leg of giraffe. It was OK but not great. They didn’t quite season it the way my mother did. ******** Have you noticed the higher prices on eggs lately? When did the 89 cents a dozen go to a buck and a half? Are the chickens on strike? ******** An angry judge doubled O. J. Simpson’s bail. Judge Jackie Glass was fuming because the juice violated the terms upon which he was set free, namely, he was and is not to contact the other defendants in the case. Hey, Come on, Your Honor. That’s not fair. How are they supposed to get together on their lies? ******** Ok, gang. When the conversation slows down at your next party and you really do NOT want to bring up something political, ask if anybody in the room can tell you what the following letters stand for. 1) ZIP as in ZIP Code. 2) WATS as in an 800 number. 3) O.J. as in Simpson 4) ESPN -you know what that is, and 5) TMZ as in TMZ.COM, Harvey Levin’s celebrity and news website. ******** Bobby Fischer passed away last week. My thoughts about the man are limited to only two. One is that he was an impressive, gifted, brilliant, super-clever, brainy, victorious, world champion chess grandmaster. The other is that he was an eccentric, obsessed, ailing, irrational, psychotic, anti-Semitic mental case who blamed all the world’s troubles on the Jews. He called everything he hated and disagreed with a Jewish plot. Jewish plot. Jewish plot. Everything the anti-Semites hate is a Jewish plot. I’m tired of hearing that everything negative in this world is a Jewish plot. I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net saying – Once…just once before I die. I want to hear someone say that this an Episcopalian plot. ******** All letters and Emails are the property of this newspaper and may be published. For verification purposes all correspondence must contain your real name, address and telephone number.
