Though Denied Marriage Couples Bond Is Golden

Though neither the Church nor the State recognizes their union, John Azzali and George Topka have been a devoted couple for more than 20 years.
"Weve been very lucky to have such supportive families," said Azzali, whose family makes sure to include George in every family function, from informal get-togethers to holiday trips. Topkas family also welcomes his beau. "I think they were more interested in what kind of person I was inside rather than my gender," said Azzali.
"Its one thing to initially come out to your family as gay, but when you tell them, by the way, this is my partner, George its a big confirmation of your being gay for them. Now youre part of a couple."
They met at a birthday party in January 1981, and after seven months of dating, decided to live together. Azzali, who lived in New Jersey at the time, moved into Topkas Sunnyside apartment. They then moved to Ridgewood before relocating to Jackson Heights in 1993.
Azzali is a credit manager for a manufacturing company as well as the chairman for Queens Gays and Lesbians United (Q-GLU), an organization that provides gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people with a gathering space to meet, socialize and discuss common issues. The group also holds forums with local politicians and civic activists. Azzali is also a member of Community Board 3 and Friends of the Library. Topka is a journalist and in his spare time edits Q-GLUs newsletter.
Azzali said that honesty and open communication have been the cornerstones of his relationship with Topka. "When George has a problem with something Im doing hell come right out and tell me," he said. "Our differences compliment each other and when conflicts arise were always willing to work through it."
When the couple met in 1981, AIDS had not yet started to ravage the gay population and sexual mores for both gays and straight couples were still liberal, Topka recalled.
"One thing that really stood out about John was that he wasnt playing games when we dated," said Topka. "John took the time to actually have a conversation with me and get to know me, and it wasnt until the third date that he made any sort of move. I really respected that."
The couple doesnt want to get married right away, but for different reasons. Azzali is an Episcopalian and at present, the church does not allow same-sex marriages. "I want to wait until they do," he said. Topkas reasons are more legal. "Id like to get married when it is legally recognized," he said.
There are legal benefits of marriage that many straight people take for granted, said Topka, who recalled when he was in the hospital for an operation, Azzali was unable to visit him often because he was neither family nor a spouse. "That bothered me," said Topka.
He said that his relationship with Azzali could serve as an example for other gay couples. "Its not that difficult to be an openly gay couple and out to your family and co-workers," he said. "We didnt become a couple to simply push some political agenda. Were just two people who love each other very much."