By Stanley P. Gershbein
Collectibles are funny things. Sometimes you strike it big. Other times it’s oysgefafeneh gelt. When I was twelve years old every kid I knew collected baseball cards and comic books. We’d all be millionaires today if our mothers didn’t throw them out a little at a time when we were in school. Several decades ago the world was into collectible plates. The manufacturers sold them each with an authenticity certificate. That legitimate document authenticated the fact that what you just bought was a plate. Really? Yessiree! You bought a plate with a pretty picture on the front and a number on the back. This was to have you believe that there was some value to the plate. Perhaps, way back when, there was some value to the first few of the many that hit the marketplace but then these manufacturers flooded the planet with their products and overdid a good thing. Those of us that still have some of those attractive dishes can do one of two useful things with them. We can either beautify our homes with them by purchasing the necessary gizmos to hang them on the kitchen walls or we can impress the hell out of our visitors by serving lunch on them. We can also say the same thing about the Beanie Baby craze. I mean the flooded market …not the serving lunch part. As for the eating, I cannot begin to tell you how many Happy Meals my roommate and I consumed for a particular free Beanie Baby. Oy, what we don’t do for our grandchildren. If you are one of us who feel we must invest in a collectible and are out of the Lladro and Hummel price range, why not invest in U.S. stamps? At regular intervals, the United States Postal Service issues commemorative postage stamps, the value of which is always increasing. Let’s suppose, for arguments sake, that market goes the way of the collectible plates. Absolute worst-case scenario? – You can always use them for postage. Saving little pictures on small rectangle pieces of paper and never using them is extremely profitable for the post office. It has earned billions. The U.S. Mint doesn’t do badly either. Every one of us is familiar with the quarters honoring the 50 states. Besides the proof coins for which the Mint charges a premium, we have socked away four Billion – that’s Billion with a capitol “B” dollars worth of coins which will never be back in circulation. Starting next year the U.S. Mint will be issuing four one-dollar coins a year, honoring our past presidents in the order of which they served. The plan so far is to issue 37 of them. There’s a rule barring incumbents and living ex-chiefs of state from such a tribute. That rule is counterproductive. If the intent is to raise revenue, the powers that be might want to rethink that law and start by honoring both Presidents George W. Bush and William J. Clinton. Both Bill and “W” are so popular with their respective bases, we will see a billion of these dollar coins given as gifts to be put away. That’s only my opinion. What’s yours? ******** In his trial, Sadaam Hussein jumped up and shouted to the Judge that he had been beaten and tortured while in U.S. custody. Dear God – Please let that be the truth. May he suffer in pain. May his bones be broken. And may he suffer a slow, excruciating, piercing painful death. There isn’t enough punishment in this world to make him pay for the crimes against humanity committed by that SOB. ******* Phony Hillary has done it again. When hubby Bill authorized the NSA and FBI to conduct surveillance on American citizens under secret programs such as Echelon and Carnivore our government officials randomly captured and screened millions of phone calls and Emails daily. That seemed to be OK with her. She said nothing about it then and nothing about it now. Naturally, as one of America’s leading Bush Bashers, she’s out there finding lots of fault with the current spying program. Well, my dear Senator Hillary Chicken Ca-ca – Right now, as we are involved in an international war on terror, any president who does NOT kick in a few doors and bend a few laws to protect my family, should NOT be sitting as CEO of this great nation. That’s only my opinion and I’m right. ****** There must be so much profit in the credit card business. Not a week goes by when I don’t receive three, four and even five solicitations in the mail offering me another credit card. Then there are the AOL solicitations that come once and sometimes twice a week. I don’t mind tossing out the paper applications from the various banks that want to sign me up. I really don’t like to throw away the many AOL CDs that pile up on my desk. It took me a while but I finally discovered a decent use for them. Those CDs actually make pretty good disposable coasters. Try it once and you’ll start collecting them as I do. ******* From the Los Angeles Times: “Outrageously funny. Jewtopia hit’s its mark.” From the New York Times: “Unstoppable! One of the biggest theatrical hits.” From the Miami Herald: “Perfectly Hilarious! A breakthrough comedy.” They’re all laughing at JEWTOPIA, the story about a gentile man who wants to marry a Jewish girl so that he’ll never have to make another decision. I am StanGershbein@BellSouth.Net, a Jewish man wondering what’s so funny about that. All correspondence is the property of this newspaper and may be published. For verification purposes only, letters and Emails must contain the writers real name, address and telephone number.
