By Stanley P. Gershbein
mahmoud ahmadinejad. Say it three times fast. I dare ya’. Makes you sick, doesn’t it? Just hearing it once makes me nauseas. At this very moment at least one of you is ready to write to tell me that names are proper nouns and must begin with capital letters. I know. I know. But starting names of evil people with small letters is my silly little way of showing disrespect and if there is one thing I have for president ahmadinejad it is disrespect. Just in case you haven’t been reading newspapers for the past year, this man is the screwball nut job president of Iran who has been condemned for saying that Israel “must be wiped off the face of the map.” He also said that Israel should be moved to Europe. Hey. That’s not a bad idea. Right now the Jewish State has lots of sand and an abundance of brainpower. It would be a grand idea to move it where there are natural resources, fertile soil, minerals, precious metals, and a whole lot of natural wealth. Pick a place where you think it should be moved. Hey, how about Germany? Would that be payback? President Screw-Loose has repeatedly stated that the Holocaust never actually happened. He described it as a “myth”. Then he has the nerve, the audacity, the impudence, the CHUTZPAH to lie by insisting that he is not anti-Semitic. Everybody! All together now. “YEAH! RIGHT!” We say ‘Yeah! Right!” because my editor, fine gentleman that he is, would never permit me to use the one word (or is it two words?) beginning with a “B” that is more appropriate. Go argue with this Iranian whacko. You may not want to. I may not want to, but there are knowledgeable individuals on this planet that would really love to debate this crazy oddball. He has absolutely no intention of squabbling with any of them. He is very well aware of the fact that he wouldn’t stand a chance debating intelligence. Wherever there are college students there are some who will take on the government no matter what. Even in Iran. Last month, while delivering a speech at a prestigious Tehran university, President mahmoud ahmadinejad was interrupted by several students who first torched a large photo of the man and then repeatedly shouted, “Death to the dictator…Death to the dictator… Death to the dictator.” They set off firecrackers and smashed state TV cameras but their demonstration was cut short when a larger group of students shouted them down by chanting, “We support ahmadinejad.” This was only one in a series of anti-government demonstrations by Iranian college students and I want to be the first to announce that there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that these youngsters are being forced to transfer to New York’s Columbia University. None whatsoever…unless they want to. ******** It’s January and as in every January for as far back as I can remember, we are inundated with January sales. We are also reminded, once again, that the words most hated by intelligent shoppers are, in teensy tiny print, “from” and “up to” as in “up to 95% off”. It never is. ******** As I travel around the United States I have noticed that there seems to be some encouragement for Americans to consume alligator meat. Some say it is because of the current development of southern style restaurants. Others tell us that Cajun cooking is another method of making us aware of the recent Louisiana hardships. Then there is the Florida Gators football team and every opponent wants to chop, slice, sever, and stew those Gators. And finally, what chef is more influential than Emeril of New Orleans, the style setter of the kitchen? No matter who is doing the cooking, stewing, or roasting, in order for the gator meat to be at its best, it must be seasoned with yellow onion, green onion, Tabasco sauce, parsley, lemon juice, garlic, cayenne pepper, butter, cheese, and some real Louisiana style Cajun seasoning combinations such as Tony Chachere’s. We’re told to mix them all together to camouflage the taste of the meat. I have one question – If something needs so many different items to mask the taste of the meat, how good can the taste of the meat be in the first place? Taste like chicken? I doubt it. If I want the taste of chicken I’ll eat chicken. These sudden crazes for alligator meat have brought the prices up to ten, twelve and fifteen dollars a pound. A delicious, three-pound, ready-to-eat rotisserie chicken at Costco goes for five bucks. Guess what I’ll have. ******** I love the taste of prunes. I just wish they didn’t do what they do do. If they didn’t do what they do do Americans would eat a lot more of them. ******** I wish you guys would make up your minds. Really. About thirty years ago we were warned about global cooling. The speculation had something to do with the lower temperatures of the early seventies and a better understanding of ice age cycles. The cooling theory never had much support from the science world. At present there are many scientists who believe we are in a period of global warming. They tell us that this warming is caused by human activity. STOP! Hang on Sloopy. Did I hear the words human activity? We were just told that global warming is caused not by humans but by cows. A recent report by the United Nations Food And Agricultural Organization states that cattle flatulence causes more greenhouse gases than all the cars, planes, and all other forms of transportation put together. I am StanGershbein@BellSouth.net wishing that you guys would make up your minds. ******** Your letters and Emails are the property of this newspaper and may be published. For verification purposes all correspondence must contain your real name, address and telephone number.
