By Howard Koplowitz
David Jones, a licensed social worker and the founder of Fathers First, said he started the program after seeing that minority fathers were projected in the media as not wanting to care for their children.”What I found is that they wanted to be involved in their children's lives, but they don't know how because they don't have any role models,” he said.One of the men in the program, Jayson Farris, was not dealt the best hand of cards in life.”My mom was a hustler and my dad was a drug user. I was a tough dude growing up,” said Farris, a father of five girls. “I didn't have a positive male influence.”But through attending Fathers First, a free program for low-income dads that meets every Thursday in an office inside a Rockaway Beach strip mall, Farris said he has become the father he never had.He has been in the program since it began in 1996 and his oldest daughter is now 12.”I'm reformed in a lot of respects from growing up in the streets and the 'hood. Coming [to Fathers First] softened me,” he said, noting he actively participates in his children's lives along with his wife of eight years.Another participant, Thomas Daley, said his son's mother “was too busy getting high” to take care of their child. She was granted custody of the then-1-year-old, who was diagnosed with a double ulcer, in 1984.But Daley, who was addicted to crack at the time, said he took the child away from his mother. He said his son helped him overcome his addiction.”That was the key to me to stop,” he said, referring to his son, Thomas Jr., who is now 25 and works in maintenance for Visiting Nursing Services of New York, the non-profit that runs Fathers First. “My life wasn't really going the way I wanted it to. The only positive thing in my life was my son. He was my compass.”Dave McNeil, a father of four boys who attends Fathers First meetings, said he learned that being a father is more than just being a financial provider Ð one of the ideals Jones tries to instill in the participants.”The things I learn here are unbelievable. It's not like [children] come with instructions. I thought you just take them to the park and get them ice cream and read with them,” he said. “I didn't think you had to do housework if you worked and paid the rent. I thought my wife was happy doing that stuff.”Max Daguizan, who has been coming to Fathers First meetings for eight years, had a promising boxing career that was sidelined when he found out a woman he was with became pregnant.He moved her into his parents' home in Far Rockaway as he was participating in qualifying trials for the Olympics. He found out the child wasn't his and wound up losing his first fight.”I was in the dumps,” said Daguizan, who still cares for the child even though it is not his biologically.But through Fathers First, Daguizan, who said his father “was there to whip ass and put food on the table,” said he now knows what it means to be a caring father through the program.”Now I'm older. I'm a man,” he said. “I understand everything now.”Reach reporter Howard Koplowitz by e-mail at hkoplowitz@timesledger.com or by phone at 718-229-0300, Ext. 173.
