“I forgot to start my new pack of birth control pills.” These are the words that cause my heart to skip a beat. It’s much worse when the person on the line is a teen. In those few moments, I send a silent request to the universe that the young woman will have used condoms, or not had intercourse. I’m hoping that she’s calling for a prescription for emergency contraception and is within the 72-hour window of effectiveness.
Teen pregnancy rates are rising
The CDC estimates that over 750,000 teens will become pregnant this year. Nearly all of these are accidental or unintended. How can this happen? Well, simply put, most teens do not think that anything bad will happen to them, that they are somehow immune to any consequences.
To be fair, there are teens responsible and mature enough to obtain birth control and buy condoms before they become sexually involved, but they are still the exception. Unfortunately, many teens do not think about birth control until after they’ve had sex a few times and are scared. Even when teens do obtain birth control, they are less likely than older adults to use it correctly and consistently.
When to have the conversation
Let’s face it, what parent is ever ready for their child to have sex? Most of us would be comfortable if our kids waited until they were out of college and paying taxes to have intimate relationships. Never mind what we did as teens and how old we were. It’s different, right?
As it turns out, most parents would rather have a root canal than talk to their kids about sexuality. Yet open communication is one of the most important things parents can do to help their teens make the best decisions. We’ve learned that it’s safer to have the discussions a little early, than one minute too late.
It’s not just about sex
When we talk to our kids about sexuality, we are talking to them about their future. It’s more about relationships than about the actual physical act. We want them to respect themselves and respect others. We want them to learn how what they say and do can affect other people’s perceptions of them. We don’t want their futures to be derailed by an accidental pregnancy.
Ask, don’t tell
Ask lots of open-ended questions and sit back and listen without judgment. Consider how the following two statements either shut down communication or foster more openness: “Don’t ever even consider doing (fill in the blank). Contrast that with: “What do you think would happen if you (fill in the blank)?”
More questions you can use with your teen
How would a pregnancy at this age affect your future? Your goals? How old do you think people should be before they become parents? What would you like to do before you have children? How would you feel if you developed a sexually transmitted infection like herpes or warts? What would you do if someone you cared for pressured you into doing something you didn’t want to do? What would you think if someone you cared for refused to use a condom?
Parents who are comfortable talking about sex and birth control can give their teens the guidance they need. We can’t be right there with them when they’re making these decisions. We want to help them consider all the consequences of these decisions before they are in the heat of the moment, when their judgment might be clouded.
