As you may have noticed, I have been behind on my column. I do apologize but I have a good reason. On February 16 at 6:30 a.m., my husband and I were blessed with the arrival of our son Jonah Max. Being a mother is the most incredible journey of learning, overwhelming love and monumental change. I am sure I will be writing about much that I will be learning and observing with my new and fantastic worldview. I hope you enjoy my returning column!
Susan Boyle. A name that was unknown until last week. She is now a household name. If you missed the story, you can check it out on You Tube. Susan was a contestant on “Britain’s Got Talent” a talent competition television show in the United Kingdom. Susan took the stage and stated that she wanted to be a professional singer. Because of the way she looked, the judges and audience doubted her. They more than doubted her, they mocked her, all because of the way she looked.
Susan then began to sing and everyone was stunned. Her voice was magical. She hit every note of a most difficult and beautiful song called appropriately, “I Dreamed A Dream.” The judges and audience were shocked. Jaws dropped, eyes watered and goose bumps were a plenty. As I watched this the first time and every other time I have watched it, each time she begins to sing my hairs stand on end and tears come to my eyes.
It got me to thinking about how our judgments so frequently cause us to miss wonderful experiences. They may be an opportunity to meet someone fantastic, to learn of a new idea or to hear an incredibly talented vocalist.
Of course you have heard “don’t judge a book by its cover” but how often do you? How often do you dismiss a person because of some preconceived ideas in your mind? I see this with my clients and in the world quite often.
It may not be just because of what a person looks like that one may reject them but it can be for many different reasons; a level of education, a place a person grew up, a person’s age. I call them triggers.
What are your triggers? What are the pre-conceived ideas that you have about a certain characteristic, belief or circumstance?
The problem with these triggers is that they end relationships before they have even begun. They cheat you from an experience that may be valuable. I know that I would not have wanted to Susan Boyle’s beautiful performance. What have you missed because of your pre-conceived notions or triggers?
The following are the four steps to uncovering and removing your triggers so that you can enjoy the surprises and gifts in life.
Ask yourself, “What have been the reasons I have rejected relationships recently?” For example, when you had an opportunity to be set up on a date, what was it that made you say no? Was it because of the person’s education level, age, height?
Become conscious of the inner dialogue that you have when you come across new people and new situations. What are your pre-conceived notions? What are your judgments? Try not to be critical of yourself. Just observe.
Make a decision to challenge your judgments. Once you are aware of them, move forward anyway; on the date, at the meeting, listen more closely rather then shutting down.
Make note of what you have gained. If you want to make changes in your life it’s important to be aware of the value that the change brings to your life. So what did you gain? Were your judgments wrong every time? Sometimes? Did you make a new friend, fall in love or have a new experience? Would you have missed out on this opportunity if you hadn’t challenged your judgments?
I can guarantee that if you consciously look for and reduce (or better yet remove) your triggers, you will find wonderful gifts in your life both directly and indirectly from the experiences that you never would have had.
Go and find your Susan Boyle moment!
