It was the ’80s, and we were a happy Queens family, with hopes and dreams for a bright future. Our apartment wasn’t far from that famous Goodfellas barbershop in Forest Hills.
Our young son, Barry — now a creative millennial with his own family — was the apple of my eye. My then-husband had a successful career with a large company. We traveled a lot and had many friends.
Life was good. But looks can be deceiving. I had no inkling there was a stranger living among us!
Looking back at my former life, I remembered when my world had suddenly turned upside down, on a seemingly perfect summer afternoon in 1987. Recently, a kind of Pandora’s box had been pried open, revealing that it was all a sham! I was shocked to find out that my ex, Allan Rothbart – the person I thought I knew for 12 years – had a secret double life.
Tons of red flags…but I was clueless!
“It’s a weird thing to look into your past and your childhood; it could be strangely disorienting. It’s like you got one foot in the present and one foot stuck in the past. And if you take a step in either direction, you might never find your way back.
“Recently, I started asking some questions…BIG questions…like who my dad was?”
When actor, writer and comedian Barry Rothbart started asking those profound questions and grappling with his confusing past, a pressing need to share his deeply personal journey with others – after seeking and discovering the real truth about his enigmatic, “larger-than-life” dad – got his creative juices flowing. That led to the creation of his recently released, 10-episode Audible Original docuseries, “Searching for Allan Rothbart.”
Like a true crime sleuth, Barry’s deep dive unearthed many enlightening and disturbing details about the doting yet troubled parent that he loved and worshipped, through interviews with people who had known Allan and by dissecting his own diverse experiences as a child and teen who lived in two very different worlds after our divorce: his dad’s strange yet exciting orbit and his real home, where ordinary life seemed “boring.” But everything came to a head when, 15 years after his father’s death, my son finally listened to a bunch of tapes that my ex recorded on his deathbed.
“Sifting through my dad’s baffling recollections and stories, plus layer upon layer of half-truths, lies and distortions, was emotionally taxing. But finding some clarity and closure was so worth it!” Barry explained.
Betrayal and greed, skanky women, an assortment of colorful, unsavory characters…and even some possible ties to a mobster or two! This unique series is filled with unexpected twists, and you may find yourself chuckling here and there, at some darkly hilarious moments, as you eagerly anticipate the next riveting episode.
“When you’re going into a project about your dad, there’s this mix of wanting to learn salacious things, but also not wanting something that completely destroys your entire sense of self at a fundamental level. I got the latter. And I’m still dealing with the fallout…along with my out-of-network therapist,” Barry quipped.
As a mom, it was hard to hear that. And, after listening to those tapes recently, my mind was blown! It was surreal. Then, when I was interviewed for the docuseries, my thoughts and emotions were all over the place. But I tried to stay calm, as I attempted to wrap my head around everything: there were names of people we never knew; strange claims about shady dealings with bookies and other low lives; rendezvous with old flames. And it all happened while I was a young, unsuspecting wife and mom, living in what now seems like an alternate reality.
The Allan Rothbart I thought I knew had a big personality and was fun to be around…unless he was gambling. We had a nice life: a huge, swanky apartment; trips to Europe and regular jaunts by limo to Atlantic City, where he’d play blackjack for hours and somehow aced complimentary suites with butlers. But I never quite understood how that happened.
Allan was getting a swell head, and wanted “MORE.” He once remarked, “Watch, I’m gonna be a millionaire by the time I’m 40.”
We lived large for a while…until everything crumbled. Barry’s dad hit rock bottom. He became a degenerate gambler who borrowed money from everyone.
But that was only the tip of the iceberg…
Fast forward to the present. I had already moved on a long time ago. I’ve been married to a wonderful guy for many years, and we have a grown son. I was able to somehow separate myself emotionally from my former life. But it was heartbreaking to find out that Barry had been exposed to some bad stuff – weird people and unsafe situations – because of his father’s secret life. Since I was in the dark about what was happening, I couldn’t protect him from all that. And that’s something I’m still grappling with.
One listener weighed in about the series: “You have a remarkable gift for storytelling. I was grateful to be introduced to new content that is both thought-provoking and intelligent. I found myself drawn straight through each episode and would have happily welcomed 10 more that explored the existential lessons uncovered along the way.
He added, “I also grapple with navigating complex family relationships. As adults, we come to realize the painful truth that the stability and omnipotence we once ascribed to our parents vanishes when adulthood gives way to recognizing their imperfections, insecurities, and flaws.
“The most moving piece of your story, however, was your interaction with your mom. This part could have been its own documentary. I absolutely loved her presence in the story, and her love for you shines unmistakably. I hope your greatest breakthrough was that in searching for your father, you actually found your mother. It was a courageous gesture for you to explore that relationship and help her release the guilt she harbored. I imagine it may have brought you both healing.”
Barry Rothbart (The Wolf of Wall Street, ABC’s The Conners, Comedy Central) created, wrote and produced this series alongside his producer, Jo Barratt. Produced in collaboration with Campside Media.
