By Alex Berger
Work banishes those three great evils: boredom, vice and poverty. — Voltaire
Labor Day falls Sept. 6 and ushers in the season to stock up on pens and notebooks, index cards and dirty looks. No, I do not mean back-to-school supplies — I mean back-to-work supplies. My apologies to Julius Caesar, but the real year — the work year — begins after Labor Day and it is time for our brains to click back into gear.
Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself. — Charles Baudelaire
It was a hot, wet, indolent, summer in New York and years of conditioning, from grade school through college, have led us to expect that summers, more often than not, cast us into a state of listlessness. That is what summers are supposed to do — or so it is believed. People see other people arriving to work later, going home earlier, taking longer weekends and lazily watching the world go by and that laxity has affected everyone. But with Labor Day, the last summer holiday, already at hand, gloom has already overtaken them. “Oh, if Labor Day were only extended a day,” they moan.
One of the saddest things is that the only thing that a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can’t eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours …. — William Faulkner
But there are some for whom summers are not a time for malaise. They work hard during the slack days of summer and will again during the Labor Day weekend. For them, summers and Labor Days are no different than any other time of the year. A survey actually finds that 19 percent of the workforce will be on the job sometime during the three-day weekend.
Half the lukewarm summer employees complain that the three-day weekend is not enough time for them to recharge their batteries. They want Labor Day to be lengthened by one day, the rest two days. Not surprisingly, the summer hard-work toilers also want another day off.
We work to become, not to acquire. — Elbert Hubbard
But what would both factions do with the extra day if Labor Day was extended? Some say they would “veg out” anywhere but at their workplace, a handful want time to ponder the scenery at Jones Beach, a few clamor to char clams for the last time and a scant more propose working on their flabby-abs, but the overwhelming No. 1 activity was to learn all the words to the song “Take This Job and Shove It.”
As a remedy against all ills; poverty, sickness, and melancholy only one thing is absolutely necessary; a liking for work. — Charles Baudelaire
So for those who see summer vanishing and want an extra day off, here is a collection of pre-utterances that helped others get their day off, but it is recommended that you refrain from using trite and bizarre excuses, such as, “My cat has hairballs,” “My brother-in-law broke the toilet seat” or “My wife lost her wig.” Although they have worked in the past, they have since become passé.
Work is man’s most natural form of relaxation. — Dagobert Runes
Instead, try one of these beauties: “It will be 100 degrees today and my shorts have a tendency to shrink in hot weather,” “I was sprayed by a skunk,” “I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious,” “I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity,” “I couldn’t find my shoes,” “I totaled my wife’s car” or, “I had to ship my grandmother’s bones to Sacramento.” Workers certainly can come up with a flurry of innovative excuses when asking for a day off — and they work.
Employment is nature’s physician, and is essential to human happiness. — Galen
Many people view sick or personal days as extra vacation days, so it is entirely permissible for them to tell their boss a fabrication so they may run their errands, meet an appointment, relax or catch up on sleep.
Work and love — these are the basics. Without them there is neurosis. — Theodor Reik
Whether bosses accepted their excuses depended on the worker-management relationship. They typically let the excuses of a high performer slide, but tend not to believe chronic offenders. Employers know that some of their workers call in sick when they are not, but do not mind. It is their duty to make sure they do not burn out.
Work is more fun than fun. — Noel Coward
So, falsifiers, choose carefully the one fib that best fits your personality and pray. But my advice is to tell the truth when you really need a day off. It beats losing your job over a silly excuse.
Contact Alex Berger at timesledgernews@cnglocal.com.
