Q: For the past five years I have been reading your column, and have thoroughly enjoyed your advice on dealing with stress. Nevertheless, I have to tell you that I have a problem and I’m not exactly sure how to deal with it. I have a neighbor who is really noisy. I’m not sure whether it is a stereo or loud television, but it is so noisy that it literally shakes my ceiling. I’ve tried to speak to them about it, but not only have they ignored my request, they actually got louder. Please help me before I have to move.
A: I am so sorry to hear about your issue. I have just come from a friend’s house in Vermont and was astounded at how relaxing nature can be. Nature’s sounds—crickets in the night, the sound of waterfalls—can be very, very relaxing. Yet, it is true, having a neighbor who is not considerate of another person’s space can be very stressful and I am sorry for your dilemma. In some ways I liken this to noise pollution, which certainly can be as difficult to bear as the pollution of someone smoking nearby.
In the situation of a neighbor’s inconsideration, there are certain steps I can recommend to you. Depending on your preference, you can choose one or more of these suggestions.
Generally speaking, I would recommend that you try to speak to your neighbor calmly, letting them know of the issue, and hopefully this will resolve it. It sounds like you took this step without much result. If, though, the neighbor may actually have a physical handicap such as being hard of hearing, it is still their responsibility to take care of their issue and realize that they are not living in a house alone.
Other steps that may help you are a sound machine that blocks the noise through using white noise or even an air conditioner which creates the same type of sound. This type of measure would be considered a BandAid for the issue, and will not help necessarily at all hours. Another option is to put on relaxing music to drown out their sounds.
From a purely stress-related opportunity, you can use this experience as grist for the mill, and practice cultivating patience through the sounds or use it as an opportunity to explore what emotions come up for you when you hear this neighbor’s noise.
Research demonstrates that people who practice meditation, actually develop a resistance to stress. So if you were to practice meditation, this may help you get less stressed when they are playing their stereo or television.
Of course, if you find that meditation doesn’t work, relaxing music doesn’t work and white noise doesn’t work, you may need to ask for the assistance of your management company. One of the jobs of a management company is to assist in matters when resolutions cannot be achieved through regular communication channels.
Also, if your neighbor’s sounds are very loud into the evening, you should check your local noise ordinances because you may be able to ask for the help of your local police officers, particularly if it is done late into the night. Generally, both the management company and the police should be the last resort, and only should be taken when all other options have been exhausted.
Remember that asking for help is okay, and all options need to be considered because you deserve to live in an environment that is not stress-inducing!
Robert Lawrence Friedman, MA, is a psychotherapist, coach, author and recognized leader in the field of stress management. He is the president of Stress Solutions, Inc., a corporation that has provided stress management programs to corporations and health care institutions for more than two decades. He has appeared on Discover Health Channel, CNBC, Today in New York on NBC, Fox News and others; he has been interviewed by the Washington Times and Cosmopolitan magazine, among others. He is the director of the Queens College Corporate Stress Management Training Program (www.qc.edu). He has recently created five DVDs of his stress management workshops, as well as a relaxation imagery CD which can be found at www.stress-solutions.com or by calling 212-229-7779.
