Question: Last year I made a resolution to lose weight but I didn’t end up following through. Now, I’m having trouble sleeping at night because I need to lose the weight and I keep thinking about how to make it work this year. What’s the secret to making New Year’s resolutions work? – Joe Kantania, Hollis
Answer: The most common reason why New Year’s resolutions don’t work is because they are unrealistic. Some things are much easier said than done and often in moments of inspiration we overestimate our true capacities. Then, when an individual does not (cannot) follow through on the resolution it leads to feelings of helplessness and lowered self esteem. “Why can’t I push myself to do this?” Perhaps the answer is that you are trying to do something that you are not ready for.
You are saying that you are so anxious about losing the weight that you are having trouble sleeping. Bearing in mind the blow to your self esteem of not having followed through on your plans last year, your anxiety may be more about the assault on your feelings of competency as a person (your ability to accomplish things you set out to do) rather than stemming from a concern for your health (due to your weight).
One of the keys to mental health is recognizing what you are capable of accomplishing and being comfortable with who you are. The Serenity Prayer often used in addictions treatment comes to mind: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
There is nothing wrong with making a New Year resolution as long as it is realistic. Small steps toward a larger goal are often far more effective.
Best of luck in the New Year.
Sick of family – prefers work
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ Question: The holiday season is making me feel very stressed out. I know it sounds wrong, but I’m getting sick of being around my family and in a way I wish I was back at work in my regular routine. Any coping tips? – Alicia Dureaux, Whitestone
Answer: There are many things about the holiday season that can contribute to this feeling of “Let it all be over so I can get back to everyday life”. In your case it sounds like two things are happening:
1) you’ve had an overdose of family time and
2) you are missing having a regular schedule.
The saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” has a lot of truth to it. Spending a lot of time in close quarters with anybody, including your loved ones, can begin to become unbearable. When you throw in the hype of the holiday season and the expectation that everyone has to be in a perpetual good mood, this can be an added strain on all the time spent together with family. For people used to working several days a week, the vacation days of the holiday season can pose an additional challenge due to lack of structure.
The first step in coping with this kind of situation is recognizing what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Just recognizing why you are feeling this way can relieve some of the guilt and shame associated with negative thoughts about loved ones.
To address both issues, I recommend planning out your days.
Make a schedule of time that you will spend away from the family and use that time for something relaxing or enjoyable to you. This will add structure to your days as well as give you a better balance of family and individual activities.
You will likely find that when you return to the family and the holiday festivities you will be refreshed and happy to be there.
Best of luck and enjoy the holidays.
