Q: My mother is living with Alzheimer’s disease and she has difficulty remembering faces and names. How do I explain to the children what is happening to Grandma?
A: As your mother continues to live with Alzheimer’s disease, she will still need each member of your family, and in different ways. Let your children know that even if she forgets who they are, she still loves them. As you talk with your children, keep these suggestions in mind:
Be honest. Explain what is happening in terms that they can understand. Be sure to explain that Alzheimer’s is a medical condition and that it is nobody’s fault.
Give your children the best information you have about the disease, its symptoms and effects. Try to use examples of Grandma’s behavior to help them understand how the disease is affecting her. The more everyone in your family learns about the disease, the more comfortable they may feel around her.
Welcome conversation. Comfort and support the children. Encourage them to express their feelings and let them know that what they are feeling is normal, and that it’s OK to be confused. You’re all learning to cope with the situation together.
Let them know you appreciate their help. Offer them an opportunity to share some of your responsibilities to make them feel needed and involved - it may help them become more understanding of her behavior. It may even help her communicate her feelings better. Young children often are able to relate to a person who has limited verbal ability.
Take your kids to see Grandma for frequent, short visits. Overstaying could overwhelm and exhaust her. If you have more than one child, bringing one at a time might allow for more quality bonding time, and may be less stressful for Grandma. Recommend activities that are enjoyable for both her and your child, like playing a simple game or looking through a family album.
For help with this or any other dementia situation or for a list of our services visit our website at www.alznyc.org or call our 24-hour helpline 1-800 272-3900. There is always a caring and informed person at the other end of the line to help you.
- The Alzheimer’s Association, New York City Chapter
If you have a question for the Alzheimer’s Association, New York City Chapter, please send it to Jed Levine at expert@alznyc.org
