By Carmine Santa Maria
Boy, you all got fooled by the supposed Noreaster last weekend. You all were duped by this giant conspiracy perpetrated by the Meteorologists and Weathermen's union and supported by the Department of Sanitation, the Media and various other self-serving agencies including artists and window dressers. The snowstorms you were glued to on TV were re-runs of past storms. The weather forecasters were in their glory enjoying their meteoritic rise in their ratings. Let's face it, we had a real mild winter and all these special interest groups had to do something to make themselves feel important, wanted and needed.. As for me, I refuse to listen to weather forecasts and go through my daily business unhindered by these forecasters of gloom and doom. I wasn't going to be fooled again, like I was when I heard the War of the World's broadcast by Orson Welles. Suppose at the onset I told you that I spoke to three of my best friends that weekend Cookie, Carmelo and Marty who collaborated my theory, they did not see a flake of snow at all that weekend. How could that be? First you must consider the enormous salaries these Weathermen make; Sam Champion, Mr. G, Al Roker, Bill Evans, Storm Field .you name your favorites, they're all rich by any standard. Isn't it any wonder that Sam Champion is always smiling, blinding you with his sparkling whiter than white teeth? Ah you guys can't fool me there was no snow where I was at. As a matter of fact, there wasn't one snowflake seen in the casino. Then there were all those outrageous reports of Airports closing. You can see how this giant conspiracy included very phase of the government especially the airline industry. You saw constant re-runs of the sanitation force clearing the snow working through the night. Miraculously by Monday morning, the only snow you saw was the dirty slushy snow Sanitation planted to make overtime. The inside truth of the matter is that the Florida Chamber of Commerce initiated this scheme to make people relocate to sunny Florida. And the airlines and Amtrak who take the snowbirds and their high priced cars down south quickly joined in this GIANT HOAX. All I can tell you is that there was a lot more money being made than there was snowflakes falling. Now let's see who were hurt by this big, big fib? Obviously the Newspapers were in it, because they reaped in fortunes from department stores advertising designed to get your business the moment you thought it was safe to venture onto the streets. Home Depot, Lowe's and their ilk sold out their supplies of unsold snow blowers, melting salt and de-icers by this scheme. The purported Noreaster became a business bonanza and don't think the Mayor and City Hall wasn't in on it. Fortunately for everyone concerned, The few flakes of snow that you saw left over were scattered by all the airlines to fool any skeptics. See, how involved this scheme ran! Were the schools closed? Nope! Timing was everything; the hoax was perfectly set for a weekend when the schools aren't opened. They couldn't take a chance on a million school kids being in on the hoax and blabbing their mouths off. Besides the schools would be closed the following week for President's week and the airlines were already overbooked with teachers leaving for Florida, so everything worked out for everybody. Except for Donald Trump who was not happy with this trumped up scheme. Atlantic City where I was became a ghost town. You didn't hear any Jackpots ringing. Come to think of it, that was usual.you never hear Jackpots ringing, snow or no snow.. Even the usual hoards of Senior Citizens caravanned in from every corner of the North east were scared off. With all the empty rooms in the casinos, I betcha the personnel were given discountedt room rates to stay over. You realize that Atlantic City Casino workers can not gamble in the casinos where they work, so the big hearted Casino owners probably offered them discount rates, figuring to rent the empty rooms at their help's expense. Of course all the houses of worship were hurt in the collection boxes, who goes to church in a snowstorm? The Hospital emergency rooms were empty, everyone was safe at home and there were very little traffic accidents with everyone homebound. The supermarkets managed to stay afloat by selling out their foodstuffs early to the gullible overly panicked weather forecaster fans. The meteorologists getting their cut of the Supermarkets profits. No wonder Sam Champion is smiling.. How much did those Jessie James gangs charge you for shoveling your car out of the snow, that the Sanitation plow trucks dumped on your car? Was it equal to a car payment? Those kids even had the audacity to charge you extra for removing any yellow snow. Oh the scheme worked out perfectly for all those in on it. The telemarketers had a field day, safe and warm in India, the Philippines, Canada and Texas and you name it, they had a captive audience. Donald Trump displayed his arrogant conceit by telemarketing his image and voice for your cell phone. “Hey this is Donald Trump, now you can take me with you…” Everyone weathered in, sick of the gloom and doom forecasts were eager to hear a strange voice. and believe me those telemarketers voices are very strange. This weekend alone I could have won a$500 shopping spree, a two week all expense vacation to anywhere, a Grand Bahamas cruise and a chance to try Shoppers Advantage for a month, free! Hey, if I didn't fall for the Noreaster scheme, I certainly wasn't going to get sucked into their sales gimmicks. Normally, when Telemarketers calls and tells me I won something, I immediately tell them.”Fine send it over” and hang up on them. So far, nobody's sent me anything. Monday afternoon, driving home from Atlantic City was a breeze; the Garden State Parkway was as clear as could be and the trees were pretty with smatterings of snow dropped from all those airplanes in on the hoax. We actually made good time coming home; a lot of the traffic was scared off from the Blizzard scare of the century. Could you imagine they claimed record breaking 26.9 inches of snow? Wow what liars! During the 2 hour trip driving home, I called my friends Cooke, Carmelo and Marty in Florida who said they didn't have a flake of snow. Come to think of it, were they in the scheme too? They could sell their homes for fortunes if everybody moves or retires to Florida. As for me, I'll just keep ignoring those weather forecasts and next time they hoax up a scheme, I'm making reservations for Atlantic City. Ha ha ha, you weathermen can't fool me! Screech at you next week!
