By Muriel Lilker
Signs threatened to tow away any non-shoppers. A new platoon of quasi-cops readily pounced on the car of anyone who dared park there while visiting a doctor at a nearby medical center. Convoys of cars besieged our block in search of a space. Worse, we don't have a garage or a driveway.
The only time we can park both our cars in front of our house is when other cars haven't already parked there in our absence. So things are grimmer than ever. If I merely walk to the curb to get an emptied garbage can, motorists suddenly stop to jockey for the imagined space. Even if I open my door to take the mail in, a car screeches to a sudden halt.
Then my husband suggested, “Why don't we walk to the supermarket?” Certainly it was close enough so that we could carry the groceries home in bags.
But as we struggled up the block, the rotisserie chicken fell out of the bag and made an unexpected meal for birds whose feeding stations had long been empty. That was it! It was time for defensive parking.
“Wait,” I shout, as my husband leaves for the dentist.
“What?” he replies.
I grab the keys for the Nissan as I throw my raincoat over my bathrobe. “Don't start the Honda till I'm behind you.”
“Where are you going in your bathrobe?” he asks.
“I'm moving the Nissan up. It's got to be centered in front of the house.”
“In your slippers?”
“I'm only going 3 feet,” I say, hoping my raincoat won't flap open.
But no sooner do we walk out of the house than a driver slams on his brakes. He thinks we are going somewhere, despite what I am wearing, and he waits for a space. Has he got a surprise coming!
That's when my husband gets into one car and I get into the other. Then as my husband pulls away, I drive all of 3 feet as I fill the two-car space with my car. Is defensive parking really the answer?
Only if we don't have to use both cars at the same time and leave the entire space exposed to sedans, SUVs, trucks, anything on four wheels. So we arrange activities accordingly.
If my husband has a doctor appointment, I don't go anywhere until he returns. When I'm at my music class, he waits until I'm back before he heads for the golf driving range. Actually, we're thinking of getting a motorcycle. It might take some getting used to, but, hey, we could park it on the lawn.
In the meantime, don't be afraid to invite us over. We can come in one car. That is, only after we center the other one right in front of the house.
